Time Marches On

So, how's tricks? It's been a long time, I know, but I've been too boring to really expound upon anything lately. Even this is just a plug for my daily photo blog, A Molly A Day.

Never fear, I'll be updating GGV more regularly as soon as I figure out what the hell I have to say.

Turn-A-Trick Or Treat

Listen up, all you cats and kittens, 'cos Halloween draws fucking nigh. Halloween is tied with Xmas for my favorite holiday. They tie up point for point in most of my categories (weather, month name, pagan roots, color scheme) and each garner a point in their respective wheelhouses (COSTUMES: Halloween 1, Xmas 0; PRESENTS: Halloween 0, Xmas 1). Unfortunately, each has its respective detrimental point (Halloween: sexy costume situation; Xmas: baby Jesus situation). It is on Halloween's downfall that I am focusing today.

I'm all for looking sexy. Seriously. I believe "pretty" is a lifestyle choice and I generally relish the chance to bolster sexual tension. But I can't stand the way 90% of girls dress on Halloween. You're a ghost? No! You're a sexy ghost. You're a doctor? NO! You, my dear, are a sexy doctor. Or, in a stunning display of understanding toward pedophilia, a SEXY GIRL SCOUT. (That exists. As a packaged costume. Google it.)

Fuck those girls. I mean, whatever. You want to dress as a sexy _______ for Halloween, be my goddamned guest. I don't think it cheapens our gender or is demonstrative of a patriarchal whosamawhat. I'm not against this trend for feminist reasons. I just think it's fucking stupid.

I present this year's most hilarious Sexy ________ costumes, available at any Party City:

SEXY SPONGEBOB
Who works as a prostitute under the sea?

SEXY GHOSTBUSTER
If you got some cash, and you're in the mood...Who you gonna call?

SEXY FREDDY KREUGER
(I'm torn between:)
"See you in your wet dreams"
and
"I guess she opted out of the burn victim makeup."

And finally...

Drumroll, please...

Honorable Mention For Total Hilarity

AMY WINEHOUSE COSTUME
I know, right? Awesome! Right??

Your Imaginary Friend Says He Created The *Whole World In 7 Days??

I'm watching WifeSwap, and the two featured families are on opposite sides of the religion issue. We have a family of 8 who love love love Jesus and the Bible; they homeschool their children with Christian textbooks and pray more often than Muslims. Then we have a family of 5 who are adamant atheists; the father hosts an internet radio show about atheism and they have stickers, posters, and tshirts that espouse their opinions on theism.

What's both surprising and pleasing me is the level-headedness and ready acceptance of both families when it comes time to swap lives and theistic opinions. Usually, the people on this show bitch and moan and throw fits and occasionally even get downright abusive to each other rather than live outside of their comfort zones for 5 fucking days.

I'm pleased on behalf of both families. It's nice to see atheists portrayed in the media as being normal people; conversely, it's nice to see Christians represented as people who are so confident in their beliefs about God that they don't fear repercussions for walking in someone else's shoes for awhile, even if that person is an atheist.

Mike Kopec, one of you fabulous readers, sent me a note on Facebook (please, feel free to contact me at any time, kids; I love reader mail) about the Songs Against Religion post from back in May. He suggested "Halo" by Porcupine Tree. He says it's "maybe not really anti-religion, but more about people twisting religion for their own purposes." I'll have to give that a listen! Thanks, Mike! In that same vein, I'll suggest you listen to "Judith" by A Perfect Circle.

See you all in hell, True Believers! Oh wait, there's no such thing as an afterlife. But yet I believe in ghosts. Man, being crazy is exhausting when it comes to philosophical and theistic discussions. Let's just call it all Ka and be done with it. Thankya big big.

Thank God We Never Stumbled Upon A Murder Scene Because I Don't Think They Made That Figurine

Holy fuck, I just realized I've not yet told you guys about the Smurfs.I realize you probably think you know all there is to know about the Smurfs. Maybe you even fancy yourself some sort of Smurf expert, having watched all the episodes of the cartoon, or possibly even having read the comics. But have you ever caught a Smurf? Yeah, I didn't think so.

My grandparents bought a cabin on Deer Lake in St. Croix Falls, WI when I was very, very small. It's at the end of a long dirt road, and surrounded by woods on three sides and the lake on the fourth. The woods are lovely, dark, and deep (god I hate Robert Frost) and my mom used to take me and Kevin on walks when we got restless and squirrelly.

When I was 7 or 8, my mom told me that she had made an incredible discovery: the Smurfs lived in our woods! She had seen Smurfsign all over the woods when she had gone up to the main road to get the mail. Did I want to come look for them with her? Fuck yes I did.

The Smurfs possess powerful magical abilities. They can move incredibly fast, so fast the human eye can't follow them. However, the only way they can make this amazing escape is to distract their would-be pursuers. So, they instantly freeze upon being sighted, and then leave a shell of themselves behind as a decoy to buy them enough time to speed back to the Smurf village. As Smurfs are incredibly busy creatures with a variety of hobbies and jobs, they are usually seen while performing some sort of task, and therefore the shells they leave behind reflect these activities.

But how do you know where to look for a Smurf? After all, there was such a large area to cover. Why, by looking for Smurfsign, of course. Smurfs' skin is actually rather dewy and glossy, and they leave a sticky sweet residue on any and all surfaces that they touch with their bare skin. (They wear shoes, so there's no use looking for tracks.) If you find this sticky, shiny, sweet blue substance, you know there is a Smurf very, very nearby.

My mom told me all of this, and I took it for gospel truth. Several times during the many summers to follow, we would go on Smurf hunts, all of them fruitful. I found a Smurf shell in scuba gear in the shallow water of the lake's edge. I found a Smurf shell holding a basket of berries near the raspberry thicket at the end of our lane. I found shells of Smurfs sitting on mushrooms, picking daisies, and shoveling dirt. Each time, I would first follow a short but obvious trail of sticky sweet blue goo to the location of the frozen Smurf's shell.

I can't even begin to describe the thrill that would charge through me upon finding a Smurf. The zinging excitement would stay with me for days. I kept them all on my dresser in my room at the cabin, and once we'd returned home, they'd join my other Smurf shells in the collection. I felt like I'd tapped into some kind of deep magic. And how fortuitous that my grandparents had unknowingly purchased a summer home in woods frequented by Smurfs??

Of course, Smurfs aren't real. (Sorry to be so blunt about it, but I've found that brutal honesty is the best way to banish magical-thinking delusions.) The Smurf shells were just plastic figurines my mom bought at a toy store -- and then planted in the woods/water/logpile/mushroom cluster before taking us out on our Smurf hunt. Not to mention the Smurfsign she'd plant along the way -- it was blue gel icing. We'd find it on leaves, or tree trunks, and then lick it off our fingers to confirm that it was real Smurfsign, and it was always as Smurfsign had been described: sweet, sticky, and bright goddammned blue. Fucking ingenious, diabolical woman.

She also told us that there was a ring of fairies that lived around the edge of our kitchen and dining room tables, and if we put our elbows on the table, we were unwitting murderers, having crushed the invisible and innocent creatures to death with our poor manners, but that's a whole other story.

You Non-Hedonists Can Have Your Faith; I'll Take The Truth (With a Side of Misbehavior)

Great Songs Against Religion


Heresy by Nine Inch Nails

A little heavy handed, this song lacks subtlety (particularly the chorus) but it delivers its message well despite all that.

His perfect kingdom of killing, suffering and pain
Demands devotion, atrocities done in his name

Dear God by XTC
One of the first songs I heard that backed up my newfound questioning the very idea of religion. I think I was 12... All thanks to my SteveDad for that one.

I wont believe in heaven and hell.
No saints, no sinners,
No devil as well.
No pearly gates, no thorny crown.
You're always letting us humans down.
The wars you bring, the babes you drown.
Those lost at sea and never found,
And its the same the whole world round.
The hurt I see helps to compound,
That the father, son and holy ghost,
Is just somebody's unholy hoax

Do You Realize?? by Flaming Lips
Okay, so maybe this song isn't *intended to be anti-religion, but I think it can be taken as such. After all, the song is all about living for today and making sure the people in your life know you love them right now...not waiting for some magical afterlife where everything is better because you went to some building and said words near a certain statue/altar/painting/scroll/box/landmark/necklace/etc. It also implies our lives and deaths matter not a whit to the grand scheme of things (ie: the Earth and life itself). Besides, it has science-based lyrics and we all know science is the enemy of religion. *smirk*

Do you realize?
That everyone you know someday will die.
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the god things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round.

Uhhh...hm. Well, shit. Uh...yeah.
Dammit, I totally had a few more in mind and I'm drawing a blank. If I remember them, I'll edit this post and add them to this sad excuse for a list. If you can think of good examples, Dear Readers, please comment and tell me and I will add your song and comments about said song to my list.

La-La-La-La-Lo-la. Goodbye Little Lo-la.

My ferret Lola died at 7:30 this morning. I woke up at 6:30am and went downstairs to make coffee, and I heard thumping in the girls' cage. Upon investigation, I discovered Lola on the floor of the cage, seizing. She didn't respond to sound or touch and she was freezing cold. (Lola is currently hairless, having lost all her fur as a side effect of her suspected adrenal disease.) I scooped her up and called the Eden Prairie emergency vet (whose number I had *just gotten from our kitten vet 2 days earlier) and raced her to them.

They did a quick diagnostic, came back telling me that she most likely does indeed have adrenal disease and that she is indeed seizing. Treatment of adrenal disease requires surgery, after which there's no guarantee she'd get better or even not get worse. She'd be in pain afterward, too. Basically, she has no chance for a meaningful recovery and so I decided not to be selfish and to let her go when it was clearly in her best interest at this time.

I don't view myself as my pets' "Mom." I find that really idiotic. Rather, I consider my pets to be like retarded family members for whom I have power of attorney; I am also their caregiver. So I always feel that I have to put the best interests of my beloved pet over my own best interests (for example: I would never refuse medical care for my pet because it was expensive if said treatment could result in a meaningful recovery). I know I did the right thing, but I'm so fucking sad about it. I've been crying for 2 straight hours at this point.

And yet, here is this tiny baby kitten sleeping on my chest as I type this. A new life, full of promise and beginnings and firsts. I hate to sound like some filthy hippie, but it is a serendipitous coincidence that my oldest pet died 4 days after we brought home the youngest one. Circle of life and all that, très whatever.

I'll be okay, so don't worry about me. I just miss her so much already, and my heart is breaking for Violet, who is still sleeping and will awaken to find the ferret with whom she has lived her entire fucking life has disappeared and that I have no way of explaining it to her. *misery*

XXXI

For Mollyday this year, I get a DSi and a kitten. So far, I'm loving thirty-one.